I'm a mom who judges other moms.
That's right, I said it. It's not pretty but it's true. When I see a kid out with no hat and it's 40 degrees. When I see a mom smoking. Kids clearly not in their seatbelts properly. I judge because it's not safe.
But that's not all.
I judge when I see a mom yelling. Ignoring. On her phone instead of watching them at the pool. Wearing brand new clothes and shoes while her kids have on too small clothes and ratty shoes. The way I hear her talk to them out of frustration. The way she talks about their dad to them. The way she swats away little hands, reaching for affection.
When she posts pictures of her kids doing things that are funny to her, but unsafe to me. The complaints she has about perfectly healthy kids that other people would kill for, die for. For letting them skip naps because she has errands to run, and then later complaining about how impossible they were.
A few weeks ago I consciously decided to stop judging. Because it is none of my business. Because I'm not their mom. But mainly, because all it does is make me bitter, annoyed, and several other negative emotions. And above all, because I have no right to judge. Because motherhood is hard.
Some of us have a village. A group of people we can call on to help with dinner, laundry and babysitting; a group we can call to vent and they'll tell us we aren't crazy, we aren't selfish, we aren't terrible. We are just tired.
But some of us don't. Some of is are alone. Some of us are fighting medical, financial, professional, personal, emotional battles. Some of us are at the end of our rope. Some of us are on top of the world, while others are on the last straw.
Judging her does me no good; it does her no good; it does her kids no good. If I'm really that concerned, I should step in and offer a hand, a shoulder, a back to help carry her load. An ear, a tissue, a a loving slap in the face to snap her out of it. If I'm not that concerned, I should make the world a better place by not gossiping about the mother I just say and know nothing about.
The thing is, I actually don't care. Cloth vs. disposable? Bottle vs. breast? Pacifier or no? Your decisions are not my decisions. They don't affect me.
Have I never yelled at my kids? Have I never let them eat junk in front of the tv instead of a healthy meal at the table? I've stayed home, I've worked. I've done it alone, with a village and everything in between. Good days, bad days; perfect days, impossible days; moments of panic and moments of euphoria.
Once I decided to stop judging moms, I stopped judging myself. An unintended side effect, giving myself a break. Because I shouldn't care that someone sees me letting my kid eat Froot Loops in the car on the way to school. I have two beautiful, healthy, happy, smart children. They love fiercely, they make silly faces, they color and draw; they fight over a cup holder, throw an occasional tantrum and always always try to stay up a few minutes past bedtime.
What if we all stopped judging the moms who parent differently? The moms who are having a bad day. The moms who are just trying to keep it together. What if we let ourselves watch tv instead of folding laundry? What if we did something for ourselves once in awhile, since we spend so much of our time giving everything we have to our families?
It's just an idea.
