Getting through it

The hardest part of this deployment is Hayden. I've done two deployments before, but this is Hayden's first. He definitely knows daddy isn't here, but he's his usual happy go lucky self. I'm used to the feeding and changing and bathing and putting to bed by myself, to carrying groceries and a baby, and all the things that go along with being a parent by yourself. I just feel sad that Jay and Hayden will miss out on each other for this year. He changes so much on a daily basis and does funny things all the time. It's hard to keep up to email Jay about it all but we're doing our best. Bedtime is the hardest. Hayden is used to me putting him to bed, so he goes right down. But as I pick him up from the living room floor and walk to the baby gate, he turns to the couch and waves because that's how he's used to telling daddy good night. It breaks my heart, and I just hope I can make them both proud for the next year.