Ninja

Hayden got mad at me last weekend because his Ninjago alarm went off at 530 am so I turned it off. And I pulled the blinds down so he wouldn't get up with the sun. He said, "great mom. Now he can't see." I said, who? He said,"Duh my ninja. How's he sposed to tect us if he can't see the bad guys out the window?"

Yeah. I love this kid. 

November 11

Until 2007, Veterans Day was November 11th and vice versa. Now it's the night before everything changed. Before my whole life shifted. Fear, pain, anger, loss. The unknown. Uncharted territory. Unimaginable sorrow. Pain unlike anything I'd ever known. Absolute anguish.

And he wasn't even my husband. But it changed my whole life. How I viewed the world. How I felt about the Army. How I worried. What I worried about. Tonight my heart will lay in the pieces it shattered into November 12, 2007. We remember every day. 

Happy birthday Ryan!

Yesterday we went to my brother's house to celebrate Ryan's ninth birthday. I can't believe my oldest nephew is nine years old! I remember him as a fun, spunky baby boy with big eyes, round cheeks and red hair. He was a drooly, loving little guy and now he's well on his way to being taller than me. Now he can read big words and play football and build awesome stuff out of Legos. Happy birthday big guy. 

Dunkin Donuts

I just stopped at a Wilco in Stokes County that had a small Dunkin Donuts kiosk. My dad only ate Boston Creme doughnuts and of course, it was one of the selections. I love you dad, but the Apple fritter is still my fave. 

Friday

So it was a tough day. I had myself convinced that I'd already processed it all. Ha! Typical Jessica. Tears, family, laughs, memories and one playlist I think he would have been proud of. 

The Band- The Weight

Bob Dylan- Let Me Die in My Footsteps

Bob Dylan- Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts

The Beatles- Yesterday

The Beatles- Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band 

Old Crow Medicine Show- Wagon Wheel 

Allman Brothers Band- Jessica 

The Beatles- Let it Be

Eric Clapton- Tears in Heaven 

Let me die in my footsteps

Thanks to Little Liz for pulling this out of the archives. 

I will not go down under the ground
’Cause somebody tells me that death’s comin’ ’round
An’ I will not carry myself down to die
When I go to my grave my head will be high
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground

There’s been rumors of war and wars that have been
The meaning of life has been lost in the wind
And some people thinkin’ that the end is close by
’Stead of learnin’ to live they are learnin’ to die
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground

I don’t know if I’m smart but I think I can see
When someone is pullin’ the wool over me
And if this war comes and death’s all around
Let me die on this land ’fore I die underground
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground

There’s always been people that have to cause fear
They’ve been talking of the war now for many long years
I have read all their statements and I’ve not said a word
But now Lawd God, let my poor voice be heard
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground

If I had rubies and riches and crowns
I’d buy the whole world and change things around
I’d throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea
For they are mistakes of a past history
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground

Let me drink from the waters where the mountain streams flood
Let the smell of wildflowers flow free through my blood
Let me sleep in your meadows with the green grassy leaves
Let me walk down the highway with my brother in peace
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground

Go out in your country where the land meets the sun
See the craters and the canyons where the waterfalls run
Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona, Idaho
Let every state in this union seep down deep in your souls
And you’ll die in your footsteps
Before you go down under the ground

-Bob Dylan 

Chop chop

My dad was impatient at best. He was punctual to a T. My mom was always 15 minutes late so my dad was forever rushing us along. I didn't inherit his punctuality despite him always telling me, "you are not important enough for people to have to wait for you." He meant no harm in this statement; it wasn't a blow to my ego. What he meant was that my time was no more valuable than the person who was waiting for me and I should respect that. 

Tonight I was rushing Hayden along in his lolly gag bedtime routine and he said, "Do you mean chop chop?" I asked where he heard it and he said a teacher. He was instantly worried that he was in trouble. I assured him he wasn't, but that phrase is one I heard my whole life, usually followed by "the bus is leaving!" So it took me by surprise. Since my dad loved the time he spent with Hayden, I'm sure he never uttered those words to him. He never rushed the time he had with my little dude. 

Chop chop dad; bus is leavin.