Bend, Not Break: A Life in Two Worlds

"When in doubt, always err on the side of generosity."

"Sometimes in life, out of the clear blue sky comes a vicious storm. We must seek out the shelter of a cave in order to survive. We might feel as though we'll never escape the dark crevasse. But there is always hope."

"...sometimes there are very simple steps we can take to overcome our fears, or just minimize them enough so that we can function."

I'm really enjoying this book. I love a memoir and even though this one is a little tech heavy, I like it. Quick read. 

Weekend fun

Our weekends lately are nuts. They're supposed to be: the sun is out, summer is here and we're enjoying all of it!

Friday was fairly calm, with dinner at home and hanging out, watching movies. Saturday Jay had to work in the morning so I took my time getting up, making beds, doing laundry and making breakfast. Lila likes to sleep in on the weekends (she gets that from me) but Hayden doesn't so my days start early. It's nice to have that little time with him before anyone else is up and when the dogs are still calm. Ish.

The weather was promising, so we went to Emerald Pointe for some fun in the sun. We were later met by Aaran, Tyler and Carter, with Erin and Ryan arriving later. The kids had a blast. We did the wave pool for awhile, where Lila is less terrified than Hayden. Baby pool, where Lila can slide and swing. Then Soak Zone, where the boys can play with water guns. This is where Lila threw her newest "tantrum", the silent treatment. She doesn't realize yet that it doesn't hurt mommy, and I'm sure not telling her. The downside of the day at the water park is that mom forgets to reapply HER sunscreen so I left with a pretty solid burn. But the kids didn't!

Quick trip to the grocery store, then home for the kids to nap. I whipped up a few sides, woke up an angry Lila and we were out the door to Eric's for a mini cookout. Lila jumped, Hayden played, Zoe tried to put makeup on Hayden, dogs ate the leftover burgers and brats...all in a day's work. We got home around midnight and crashed.

Jay left for work early Sunday, and the kids both slept super late. Hayden got up around 11:30 and Lila was down until 12:30. Hayden and I went to Reidsville for baby Sarah's baby shower (he's been dying to go to one FOREVER) and he asked questions the whole way there. He has to know all the things, which I understand. So I answered as many as I could. On the way we passed the cemetery where my dad is buried so Hayden asked if we could stop and see him. I told him we would on the way back as we were, of course, already running late. We got to the shower and it was so good to see Sarah and her family! Baby Silas is sure to be spoiled with all the love he can stand. We had a great time and stayed almost til the end, when Hayden was restless.

We headed home and stopped by to see his Papaw. He had a lot of questions, death and health related. I can't get over what he retains and remembers and is able to explain, at age 5. I hope he carries a lot of memories of his Papaw with him, since he didn't get much time with him. Lila won't really have those memories, but we can share ours.

It seems like the weekend is over before it begins!

There's a lot I've missed

Sometimes I do a big "catch up" on the blog. Sometimes I don't. I'm hoping to do that soon. But not today.

What I've missed in my LIFE:

*talking on the phone. I used to talk to Stephanie, Liz or Sara on the phone at length, at least twice a week. I miss that. It was before two kids, two dogs and triple the chaos.

*updating the blog. You see, I don't do it for my throngs of readers. Initially, I did it for my grandma. She wanted to know what we were doing in Germany and how we were. And I wanted to remember everything about being pregnant with Hayden. So I was VERY good at it for many years. I'm trying, folks. Because I LOVE to go back to 2009 and remember what it was like when Jay came home, when I took a trip with the girls, my new fave piece of pottery, what I was reading.

*reading books. I am a reader; I always have been. I would devour novels in a single sitting. I would ask people for recommendations and devour and ask for more. I found things I liked, things I didn't, but I loved to read. I have 50 books sitting around my house, unread, waiting to be devoured.

*cooking new things. Y'all. I am in a rut. When Pinterest was first a thing, I was making new recipes every other day. Trying this out. Testing that out. Ruling that out completely. Now I make the same boring 11 things.

*scrapbooking. My other love. I have all the stuff. I have albums and pages and layouts and supplies. I need time, and I need pictures. End of list. Get it together, Rogers.

*my Army wives. Specifically, about seven of you. The rest are just noise. And drama. And negativity. But the lucky 7 are pretty amazing and I wish you were all in one place. And that that place was my house.

These are things I need to find time for, make time for, realize their absolute necessity in my life. I'm finding, the more I delete from my life that's non-essential, the happier I am. The more negative people, time-wasting things and downright stupidity I can remove from the radar, the clearer the picture is.

Typical

Last night Hayden won the award for most amazing child with this:

"Mom. I'm sorry to interrupt you. But I figured out what I want for my snack."

Beautiful, right? Mr. Manners. 

Today he followed up with his in the car:

"Can we get to the program here?" 

Aaaaand he's back to just being five. 

A Day in the Life

I thought about saying, "I don't know where the time goes," but I know exactly where it goes.

5am: Jay's alarm goes off. He gets up and gets ready and out the door, dropping a kiss on my head and sometimes asking me to turn on the light.

6am: My alarm goes off. Sometimes I get up. There's getting-ready things to be done. Kids to be dressed. Sometimes, Hayden comes in my room between the alarms and hops into bed saying, "Can I sleep with you for a minute?" and I've yet to find a good reason to say no.

Get ready. Feed the dogs. Feed the kids. Let the dogs out. Get the things packed for the day. Find the keys. Find the shoes. Tie the shoes. "No mommy, the zebra shoes. I DO IT. Mommy help."

7am: In the car. Adjust the temperature 11 times. Drive in traffic. House-highway-interstate-highway-three turns and a right. Daycare. Out of the car, in the door, grab the booster seat, bring the extra clothes for she-who-forgets-to-potty. Grab a tissue because "momma I got the snots". Down the hall. "I open the door!" drop off with kisses or sometimes sneak out like a ninja. Sign in. Down the hall. Sign in. Three extra hugs and kisses for Ellie, Braxton and Savannah, because I've yet to find a good reason to say no. "Have a great day, be a listener, be a good friend". Out the door.

8am: In the car. Back roads-back roads-highway-highway. Always traffic because people don't know how to merge. Exit 5D. Left, left, left. Park.

8:30: My day "begins".

Emails, phone calls, letters, lists. Meeting. Lists. Check off lists. A new idea. Remember to finish the old idea. Lunch or gym or Netflix? Stop suddenly to admire the landscaping of this beautiful place, and to remember why I love my job every day. Compare that to why I hated my job every day. Winner every time.

5pm: In the car. Two rights-highway-highway-interstate-merge. Less traffic than this morning. Right-left-right-right-left-left. Park. Unload all the things that make my car a mess.

In the door. "Mommy you got something for me?" "MOMMY'S HOME" with two pint-sized Rogers and two four-legged circuses barreling towards me at the door. Kiss on the head and how was your day?

At 5:30 my evening "begins".

Dinner dishes laundry tea party cars bath time story time sing my songs momma, do the Salem song bed time for one. News cartoons Jeopardy clean the bathroom what are you taking for lunch tomorrow? Stop and realize the dishes can wait. One more story. Ten minutes of peace with my husband before Hayden realizes he needs help with the toothpaste. Story. Sing me the Salem song. Hugs kisses Eskimos butterflies can you sleep with me for a minute?

8:30: Do I finally get to have adult conversation? I do! While I fold and wash and scrub, and pet and scratch the furry one with his tail thumping on the floor. Leave the phones in my purse. Talk about which house we'd pick on "Buying Alaska" or why I would never want to hunt a moose. What kind of gun is that?

Shower lotion hair dryer moisturizer when did I change these sheets? Lock the doors. Set the alarms. Barricade the steps so no more shoes get chewed up.

Spent my day as wife mom Assistant Dean of Admissions. But now I'm just Jessica, Jess, the girl he met in middle school. He's silly and makes me laugh. Dogs are barking because there's a noise outside. Turn the fan up, it's hot. Close my eyes. Tomorrow is a new day.

It's busy, it's messy, it's anything but perfect. It's never the same day twice. It's flawed it's loud it's chaos. But it's mine.

Hmm

I miss my dad. Today I just wanted to call and talk to him and this is when it sucks. Not birthdays or holidays but just regular Wednesdays when I want to talk about sports and traffic and the world. 

Thoughts

Hayden, on Easter: "I think Jesus became invisible. That's how he went up to heaven when they moved that stone."