Letters to Lila: Birthdays

Lila,

You are a whole year old today. To say that, it makes it seem like it has been much longer. It's only 365 days. That's not very long, in comparison. Your dad spent nearly three times that long deployed. I was pregnant for nearly twice that, including both of you. But how much we have learned about ourselves, and about you, in those short 365 days.

You are so very independent. You want to do everything on your own, with as little help from us as possible. We try to oblige that, when safety allows.

You love your sleep. This we appreciate probably the most. You like to go to bed when you're tired, not overtired. If we pay attention and put you down then, you like to sleep 12+ hours. On the weekends, you've been known to sleep 14. I suspect you get this from me.

You do not like to be restrained (see above, "independence"). You don't like to sit in the high chair a minute longer than necessary to eat (which means sometimes you share your food with the dogs to speed it up); you don't really care for the stroller and you only like to be held when you initiate it.

You. Love. To. EAT. Seriously. Fruits, vegetables, cereal, bars, biscuits...you love it all! You aren't a huge meat fan yet but you'll grow into that. I promise.

You love your momma. I'm not saying that to pride myself; you alone have chosen to prefer me (for now) over everyone else in our house. I don't know how long it will last, but I will take it as long as I can get it.

For kids, birthdays are about cake and presents, balloons and toys, and mostly feeling special. For moms, it's a day to reflect on the wondrous day in which they brought life into the world. I remember every detail about your birthday. I remember the anticipation, the pain, the fear, the impatience, the fear, the confusion, the fear, the love, and the relief. 365 days ago, I saw your face for the first time. I heard you cry, held you in my arms and promised to always take care of you. And in those 365 days, I promise I have tried my very best to love, protect and teach you. That's all moms can do. There will come a time when I can't protect you...from sadness, from heartache, from pain. But every day until then, I will do my very best. There will come a time when I can't teach you everything you need to know, but I will do my very best to find a way to help you learn what you need to learn. But there will never be a day that I won't know how to love you. Sometimes, that means telling you no because it's best for you. It means giving you rules and boundaries, because you need them. And that may mean you think I'm the meanest mom there is. And that's okay, because I won't love you any less for it.

In 365 days, you'll be a completely different person than you are today. I look forward to each and every day between the first 365 and the second. I am so grateful to be your mother, to have a daughter, my little Lila Bean. Happy birthday my girl, mommy loves you!