Feeling yucky

Today is the first day I really haven't felt well. I felt a little queasy last night, but I think it's just because I took my vitamin (which is giant, by the way) on a not-quite-full stomach. Today I am exhausted and just feel yucky. I was nauseous for a good while, which has put my gym plans for today on hold. I just ate some lunch, and am hoping I feel better soon.

It seems like there's so much to do, and nine months isn't that long! Then again, neither is FOUR months, which is how long I'll have to do much of this with Jay. I don't want to make too many decisions without him, but I'm also nervous about waiting so long to do everything. Pregnancy is exhausting in more ways than one.

Sometimes, I forget

It's true. There are moments when I have to stop and think, "Am I really pregnant?" There are things I subconsciously do, like eating and drinking things that are better, avoiding accidents and cigarette smoke, watching my step because I'm naturally clumsy. I think because it's SO early and I'm not having morning sickness, cravings or aversions, and clearly I'm not showing yet.

I ran into my doctor today at McDonald's, of all places. I'm glad he caught me eating a chicken sandwich with a salad and water, instead of my old standby (nuggets, fries, Cola light). He recognized me, and I was surprised. I mean, he has a lot of patients and I've only been there once.

I think it's still settling in. A baby?? Wow. Amazing.

The roller coaster

It's amazing how quickly you go from being so excited to being so scared. I woke up with some cramping last night and experienced fear that was foreign to me. I mean in a very short time I've grown very attached to this tiny being inside me, and to the plans we have for it. The thought of it not being there is a crippling, paralyzing one. I just have to pray that everything is okay, and keep doing what I'm supposed to. It's unnerving, because I know that many pregnancies end in early miscarriage. So I'm caught between this sheer joy of having a baby, and this fear of losing it. I guess it's nature's way of preparing you for parenthood, which I see as one giant fear after another.

Belly bubbles

Soon after I found out I was pregnant, I had a terrible cramping in my lower belly and FREAKED out. After a few rolaids, some deep breaths and my trusty What to Expect... I remembered that I'd had a banana before bed, and that bananas give me indigestion. My book assured me that cramping was normal, as it is everything stretching out in there to make room. Sure enough, a few minutes went by and that cramp was a bubble in the middle of my belly, then a giant burp. All's well that ends well.

I've discovered my stomach is particularly sensitive now that there's a tiny little life added to our daily routine. Still no morning sickness thankfully, but I'm more apt to have indigestion and heartburn...Jay is certainly NOT missing out on much excitement here!

I still have a giant bruise from my first round of bloodwork. Maybe I'll bring that up next time. I have this really great baby organizer book that has a section for obstetrician visits, with room to write questions. Last time I was taking everything in and trying to keep my wits about me, so I was scatterbrained. But I'll be prepared next time!

Sleep is vital

I've discovered so far that while I'm not experiencing total exhaustion, I do feel fatigue faster. Diet, exercise and a decent night's sleep help, but I can't seem to get the latter. Lately I just stay up later than I want, and then wake up earlier than I need. So if I go back to sleep, it's this pieced-together eight hours. I'd really like to be in bed before 11pm and up at a decent hour, maybe 8am. But between Oscar's tummy and Jay actually getting to call me, that hasn't worked out lately. There's always hope for tomorrow!

A little reflection

Sometimes when I think about Jay not being here it makes me sad. Mainly I'm sad not because I'm going through this "alone", but that HE'S going through it alone. That while I go to an appointment by myself, at least I can see and ask questions and experience. He has to wait until he can call me to find out how things went, and see the first sonogram in an email instead of right there on the screen. I think remembering that perspective helps me not be disgruntled with the Army or frustrated, because I feel like it has to be harder on him than it is on me right now. In the Army, there's no perfect pregnancy, without a deployment or the field to make them miss all kinds of moments. I'm grateful that he won't be deployed when our baby is born, but I hate that he has to miss any of it.

Day 6

I had my first doctor's appointment! After some initial issues finding it, and parking, I was in ten minutes early. Some light paperwork, a little anxiety, and I was in the room in no time.

The german health system is a little different than that of the United States, so it takes a little getting used to. It started out the same, with a few questions and taking my blood pressure. Then the doctor comes in and explains what we're doing today. Basically it's a stripped down, efficient version of what happens in the states during a regular annual "well woman" exam. Minus the female nurse, the paper "skirt" and the waiting game.

So my first sonogram! Odd, to see this tiny, tiny thing on a screen and know that it's going to be a baby. No tears (because I don't do that) but it was pretty awesome. My due date as of right now is 30 November, so we'll see! Since they measure pregnancy from the date of your last cycle, not from conception, that makes me about 6 weeks. Weird!


He took some blood for labs, and it hurt! I've given blood a million times, but never from my left arm. That's the side he was on, so I just pulled up that sleeve. Bad idea. He picked a vein way on the outside of the crook of my elbow that I'm used to, and it started to bruise immediately. Maybe I should mention that I bruise easily...

For now, everything looks normal. I have another appointment in 4 weeks. So I just stick to my vitamins, water and improved diet. He also cleared me for exercise, so gym, here I come!